grass grows

on going.

2007-08-08T00:55:00.000+01:00

How shall I go in peace and without sorrow?
Nay, not without a wound in the spirit shall I
leave this city.
Long were the days of pain I have spent with-
in its walls, and long were the nights of alone-
ness; and who can depart from his pain and his
aloneness without regret?
Too many fragments of the spirit have I
scattered in these streets, and too many are the
children of my longing that walk naked among
these hills, and I cannot withdraw from them
without a burden and an ache.
It is not a garment I cast off this day but a
skin that I tear with my own hands.

Nor is it a thought I leave behind me, but
a heart made sweet with hunger and with
thirst.

-- Kahlil Gilbran, The Prophet

I'm not one to quote poetry, that's for sure. But I just picked up this book to reread and was struck with the first page.

About leaving. I do leaving so well! I do it often, sometimes I go out in hugs and well wishes, most times I disappear, sneak out discreetly. I also have a tendency to burn some bridges during my exit.

About leaving Burlington. Very soon. And I just want to sneak out right now. This place has made a mark on me. I didn't make a mark on it. It's not easy to leave a place you spent all your energy, on people, work... I suppose there's a lot of my emotion sort of washed onto all parts of the town. Maybe I left my mark that way.

But the town ain't going to remember me. That stuff wears away pretty quickly.

And when I leave things will wear away quickly too 'cause that's what I do.

But I still have two weeks. To exit graciously after some reconciliation. Don't know whether it will be a disappearing act or a grand curtain call.

My bets are on the disappearing! Poof!

something about where I am at.

2007-08-01T02:44:00.000+01:00

I've been remarking that despite my job causing me all sorts of stress this summer, I'm in a good place. I'm fairly calm and focused. I'm not terribly lonely or anxious. I'm a little frustrated but who isn't?

Something must be working, right? If I can maintain this seeming peace... with so much uncertainty still out there. But it's like that post I saw on pouringdown today... the wonder is what makes things interesting.

I mentioned to Amy earlier that I want a home, a path, and a partner. But... I want the *right* home, the *right* path, and the *right* partner in crime. I'm not one to settle and I think that may be one aspect of my frustration. I've met such fantastic people as of late... they must be right in some way right?

And then I want things clear and crisp. No mystery, no intrigue. Sometimes I want things as straight and honest as they can be.

It's the balance, as usual. Somewhere between mystery and clarity. Somewhere between so perfect it's boring and... well... boring. Somewhere between all of this upset and anxiety and ugliness... I am peaceful and content... and stubborn and impetuous and wild and quiet and all of those things I was, am, and will be.

and I am a blogger be damned.

whirrrr when it stands still.

2007-07-12T04:01:00.000+01:00

I've had the feeling, as of late, that I should take to writing again. I've also had the feeling I should find a large piece of clean white paper and some navy blue paint and take to a fury of color again.

something obviously needs to be expressed. All this is, is an intention. I'm to tired to get beyond that right now.

job, children, garden, bicycle, apartment-searching, codecs, cameras, energy, friends, love, energy, work, food, baking, vacation, support, paint, swimming, yoga, sunsets, rain, sleep....... sleep.........

an email from way up north.

2007-01-16T19:46:00.000Z

to everyone:

a brief update, a long-winded call to action, and a sweet hello from the gal in Burlington VT.

It's FWT and I'm rockin' out in Burlington (finally we have snow). I've got myself two jobs and they're keeping me fairly busy. Check 'em out:

Shelburne Art Center:
as most of you had probably heard, this isn't exactly what I had hoped for. They run all sorts of great classes and have frequently rotating exhibits (an exhibit of ancient Asian art is there now... crazy stuff)... but as far as the "sustainable community" part of it... maybe I need to take part in a class to see it. I do a lot of "intern tasks": breaking down boxes, data-entry, phone calls, trips to the post-office. I'm beginning on a larger project: cleaning out the loft above the
woodshop which is covered in an inch of sawdust and dirt. I do love organizing and purging what isn't needed... and I'm getting to find and keep some cool furniture like a rocking chair and nightstand (don't ask what I'm going to do with it... that's not the point). I just wish things were more vivid and lively there. BUT! I've got one huge benefit: I'm going to attend the intro to throwing class Tuesday nights. So maybe I'll actually learn to throw... that is a plus.

What I wanted to tell you more about was the

Burlington Currency Project:

The BCP is an umbrella organization that is sponsoring two kinds of currencies: the Burlington Bread, where a slice of break equals a dollar... is a fiat system (it's not based on anything really... it's created as it's needed), and has been fairly unsuccessful. People love the idea and there are a good amount of businesses that accept it. It just has some basic design flaws: tourists take it out of the city, people keep it in shoeboxes, most businesses only take a percentage of it, and there are some places that are sinkholes because businesses can't pay their bills with it. It's still important however but will probably be going through some changes sometime down the road.

The other currency is the TimeDollar. A TD is worth 1 hour of time. Community members join a TimeBank where TDs spent and collected are tracked. The TimeBank consists of a variety of members, usually in a neighborhood or small region, who contribute skills to the community. An example: I spend two hours showing Jane how to videoblog. I earn two TimeDollars and she spends 2 TimeDollars (you are allowed to go into a negative balance). I then spend those one of those TDs to get my oil changed by Dan. He spends that TD he earned on freshbaked bread or a massage. And the cycle continues. The idea is that these services are being valued by something other than the market economy. It involves and utilizes people who can't contribute to that
mainstream economy and brings neighbors closer together. More solidarity in neighborhoods means safer neighborhoods for everyone.

The TDs were just kicked off here in the beginning of December and already there are all sorts of services being offered: simple plumbing, email therapy, rides around town, home-cooking, childcare, green housecleaning, and even teaching the art of bow-ties.

As you can see, I'm pretty excited about this program. It's exactly what I was looking for in terms of "sustainable community." As I've been learning about these currencies that are being used in Burlington, I've also had to catch up on all of the economics that I never studied. The environmental side of sustainability has been a hot topic, especially with An Inconvenient Truth coming out last summer (did you see it yet mom?) but it's amazing to realize the far-reaching benefits that monetary reform could have; it requires as much attention as environmental issues do.

So I've got a challenge for those of you who are up to it. Educate yourself about all this crazy money stuff... it makes you think twice (or maybe three times over) when you pay for things. Check out this movie: the Money Masters (available on Google video FOR FREE). It was
made in the early 90s and is fairly low-budget... and it's 3 hours long. But if you watch it in segments (instead of Battlestar Galactica or whatever you already watch) it's completely do-able. I've only found one error in it so far (something about For Knox) and over all it's backed up by a bunch of other books (like The Future of Money by Bernard Lietaer).

Also, I attached a short article about a TimeBank in Jerusalem. Check that out. That's really easy to do.

But what am I doing at the BCP? I'm videoblogging of course! I'm creating a series of "Stories" about people's experiences in the TimeBank. Not bad, eh? I haven't actually gotten to film anyone yet but that shall happen soon I hope. I'm also tagging along when they go canvassing, signing people up online, and helping out anyway I can.

so that's what I'm up to. Ask me about it. Challenge me on it. Make me find out more. Hey surprise, surprise! FWT can be educating after all!

hope everything is going well for you all, in your homes, on your other FWTs, and all 'round the country.

send me a line. check out my vlog. you know the drill.

cheers.
joanna

--
//rustedgate.blogspot.com

a thought, a moment.

2006-11-19T00:33:00.000Z

I often play songs until they (the words, the sounds, the feeling) become true. That's all.

about: vlogging

2006-05-25T21:19:00.000+01:00

the other day I was pretty shocked at how many comments I was getting on my videoblog. Since I submitted a video to freevlog.org, I definitely began to get more visitors to rusted gate but five comments in one morning was pretty amazing. It wasn't until one commetor said, "congratulations to blogger's front page," did I get what had happened. I was the Blog of Note on the Blogger start page, the first one on the list.
On Sunday I was impressed with my 60 hits... Monday and Tuesday I was over 1000 hits each. I received some pretty great comments, others weren't so impressed, which I can completely understand.
Other than boost my internet self-esteem a bit, this little spell of popularity has made me think a lot about this whole thing.

I began videoblogging when I looked over my friend Ashley's shoulder as she was posting a video about getting her tattoo. I had a livejournal a few years back... it became a lazy way of checking in on lost friends from high school and I ditched it.
Video had a different appeal to me, though. I was really into video a while ago but it had gotten stashed away in a box somewhere when I went to college to 'concentrate'. I had been thinking of a way to keep family and friends posted on my life while I was studying abroad in Dublin and video seemed like a fun way to go. I began posting for them. Showing them what they wanted to see, showing what the hell I was up to across the ocean.
In my first videos, I found a key. I suppose it's a key for the way I am and the way I want to be. The soundtrack I chose for my videos was just as important as the scenes I showed. Lots of times I go through life with a song in my head... or when I hear a song... I see myself somewhere else. With a video I can put a soundtrack to it, the soundtrack that's in my head, and people may get a little more about me out of it. Or something like that.
As my semester unfolded, I showed all sorts of things. Travels around Europe, cooking dinner in our apartment, class field trips, new slippers, being sick, my adventures in make-up, my commute to work... I stopped showing, I think. It began to be a more creative endeavor. Though my grandma back in New Jersey loved to see my videos, it stopped being about them.

Now I'm back in the U.S. My life is not going to be nearly as exciting as it has been in the last five months. No more jet-setting, no more international adventures... for a while. So what's the point? Why am I posting a video about painting a wall in my room or a conversation with friends in a bar? I suppose some people post to persuade, to document, to display... maybe I post for all those reasons. Maybe because I've been trying to show the "real joanna" my whole life and the only way I can do it is piece by piece. I don't like saying "why" I'm posting a video... I'll tell you "what" it is... but you can figure the "why" out for yourself.

I hope this tells you something. Why I'm here. I'm not sure why I was a Blog of Note, an awfully nice compliment that I didn't much deserve if you ask me. But I'm here to create something. I hope the dull location I am right now won't lend to dull videos. As always, any recommendations (the good-natured kind) are always welcome.

I think videblogging is hot stuff that I want to be a part of. I'm incredibly grateful to all the comments I've received the past two days. Just goes to show you the great people who do this whole internet-media-connecting thing.

To many more posts and many more things to say.
-j

goings on

2006-04-25T23:14:00.000+01:00

I had my last class today... tomorrow is a study day... thursday is my exam... friday my parents arrive... saturday my parents leave for italy and i leave for amsterdam...

more goings on.

it's funny though. It seems like so much is happening at home and I'm missing it. I'm supposed to be having the crazy adventures out here... I'm supposed to have the stories to tell. But apparently all this stuff is going on at bennington that I don't have a clue about. my stories are just out here on the periphery.

but my vlog appeared on the front of freevlog.org. that's pretty cool right? I do feel like I need to get more involved in the community... maybe this will help.

and then there's how I'm feeling pretty ambivilant about going back. I know it must be done. I'm so excited to see my family, my bro, my cat, my sis (hopefully soon)... excited to drive, to have warm weather, to eat mexican food, to go swimming, to see the stars...

i'm not so excited about going back to school. the senioritis that set in at the end of freshman year is going into overdrive.

no new story there.

so it goes. and goes. and goes. and that's what I love about. :)

grand plan

2006-04-19T00:41:00.000+01:00

have you heard? have you heard of my plan?

I plan to own a cafe. I'm sure you think I'm crazy... especially if you're related to me, but this makes sense, I promise.

I know it's a lot of work to start your own business; you need lots of capital, lots of drive, a "vision", and probably a backup plan too. I think that it is possible... and if it's possible for anyone, it's possible for me.

This place will be cozy... relaxed. It will supply coffee, tea, select baked goods including my growing-famous chocolate spiced cake... good music always playing, friendly employees... as green as possible too.

I plan on having an area in the back for a stage... a small one. The whole place will hold 100 people at max... smaller I think. I can barely even tell how many 100 is... seems like a lot. A small stage for small acts, acoustic please.

There will be a back porch and garden. It will be open in the summer when I expand the menu to summer fruit and appetizers... the singer-songwriter, folkie, smooth, jazzy, musicians can play there too...

Perhaps I'll live upstairs in the second level with my cat, my music, my kitchen, my bed, and my white airy curtains.

It will be a place where people can stop by on their way to work to pick up the great, rich coffee that we make, by my dad's recipe. People can come by during their lunch hour to read the newspaper or chat or stare out the window. People can come by at night to read, and study, and talk, and listen to music, and meet, and make magic...

it will be a home that I can make for others. give people a place.

I'm crazy I know... 21 and getting all domestic. You know the rambler is still alive in me... I've got lots of impatience and impulsiveness in here too... I just really like to nurture the homebody in me. It has needed nurturing lately.

You're all welcome in my future cafe... bring your friends, bring your books, bring your guitars, bring your songs... bring some love and homeyness...

ahh jeez... I sound like some nostalgic flower child... can a cafe change the world? it may change mine...

just dreaming away my last weeks in Dublin...

things I cannot show

2006-04-15T20:07:00.000+01:00

some things I've been up to that I cannot video...

I've been listening to a lot of podcasts lately. It makes my 4 hours of commuting each day go by much more quickly and also gives me a more comfortable way of staying up to date. Newspapers never really hooked me, especially newspapers online. NYT is my homepage and I glance at the largest headlines every day (to see something crazy like Cheney shooting someone) but I don't get much further. NPR has some fantastic shows and they do their journalism well... they can make the news relevant to me and my life. And I like the conversation.

I subscribe to quite a few, ranging from Garrison Keillor's Writer's Almanac (did you know where the Easter Bunny tradition came from? I found out today. Interesting stuff.), to On the Media, to KCRW's Politics of Culture, to NPR's All Songs Considered.

I was listening to the environmental news show Living on Earth this evening as I made dinner. They have a regular segment called Early Signs: Reports from a Warming Planet, today covering the Republic of Kiribati (pro. Kirabas), between Hawaii and Australia. The people living there are not concerned, taking the Bible as proof that God promised Noah to never allow another flood. The leaders, national and local, are trying their best to get the people concerned about global climate change, decreasing fresh water, and erosion of plants... they speculate on 50 years... 50 years left for the existence of Kiribati...

I've also gotten a hold of lots of new musical artists, mostly through the NPR podcasts. A few of my favorites are Jolie Holland, an ex-member of the Be Good Tanyas, and Sarah Harmer, half rocker, half bluegrass ballad singer. Been enjoying it... a lot...

Also thinking lots about art. I'm taking this Arts in Ireland survey course right now, a third music, a third theatre, and a third visual arts. The visual arts has been fantastic, visiting a different Dublin museum every week. Combined with my talks with Michelle, my internship supervisor, and her recommendations of artists she knows and follows, I've been inundated by ideas and purposes.

I've been interested in art since I was little, with my first recognitions of Picasso and Van Gogh. I've always been crafty and creative. Now, I can look at art much more objectively (and subjectively as well) and get to understanding the purpose, the skill, the inspiration... sometimes the lack there of. We shall see if I can channel all this in the coming year.

Speaking of the coming year... I cannot believe I'm on to my final year in college. In school... at least for the time being. I'm constantly trying to decide if I've focused too much or not enough. If I've gotten to a certain level of knowledge in my chosen subjects. Whether or not I have, I'm on my way to graduate and I'm not going to stop now. I hope that this coming year I can construct my cumulative work to be a rubric for how much I've soaked up in the former three years.

Perhaps I'm getting ahead of myself. I have thirteen days left in Ireland. I have fourteen days traveling Europe. Then a long, extended summer in Ringwood, New Jersey.

I cannot stop thinking... the internet is an amazing thing.

cleaning up.

2006-04-11T21:15:00.000+01:00

I am coming to the end of my time in Dublin, I suppose. Less than 18 days.

We could say it''s been up and down for me... a big step forward into "becoming an adult." We could say that I've experienced the last straw in terms of living in a city. We could say that I'm better equipped to cope with a variety of situations... I'm getting to know myself in a more intimate way which allows me to better decipher the world around me.

Sure. What went wrong? I had a rough start with my internship with Comhaltas. I have been working with a ceramic artist named Michelle for the past week and a half and been feeling much better. So that was solved.

The weather was rough on my morale, but believe me... when it's sunny here... it's like a new world.

The city was rough on my feet... the ones that prefer grass to cement... the city was rough on my eyes... after a while I began to see past the cute little pub facades and just see gray... a very gray city.

The people were rough on my individual... sometimes I even would have preferred bennington people. It was a different pond of fish... sometimes it got to be a little much.

I've found lots of stuff in myself though. I've always been rather critical of myself... but I've gotten around to fixing the things I can fix... resigning myself to the things I can't... even better than resigning in some cases... I accepted them.

I have realized that I'm not very articulate... in writing and in speech. I come across lost, unpassionate, and unmotivated... sometimes even dull... I'm none of those things. I think one of the reasons I'm not very articulate is because my opinions are half-baked, unresearched, and unsupported. Also because I don't think writing essays or speaking in debates is really my cup of tea. I need to work on finding a better outlet.

this isn't much of an opinionated post, I suppose. Opinionated about myself, maybe. I doubt it's very interesting. I felt I needed to post something in writing, but I didn't have anything to say... so I talk about myself. Maybe that makes sense.

I'm very excited for my time here to be over. The "rough" spots I found above have worn on me. I do not think that being home is going to fix me up. But I do think it will allow me some space to patch up as best I can before returning to bennington to finish up there.

as usual, I look forward to change. My life has been blocked in semesters and in years as long as I can remember and I'm acheing for a time when I can't see the end of in front of me... call me crazy. I've found by talking with people about to graduate from college... or those who have recently graduated... most are very nervous because from graduation on... life isn't blocked out in those nice man-made chunks. After graduation... it's terrifying because you can't just wait for life to pass.

I can't wait have life poised in front of me like that. I can't wait until I'm forced to take it by the horns.

I can't wait for a clean slate.

home bodied

2006-03-17T21:45:00.000Z

it's st. patrick's day, you say.
the holiday when everyone's irish, you say.
you're in ireland, you say.
why are you home posting a blog entry?! you say.

because I'm a home body. Never been much of a party-animal... social butterfly... none of that. I'm sure it would be an experience, not a 'real irish experience' though, so I think I'll pass.

to celebrate, I went to the parade this morning, went out for a guinness and a burger (in an american bar, mind you, because all of the irish pubs were packed to the doors), did some travel research, did some dance/yoga in my room, took a show, and am now going to bed.

I really do love St. Patrick's Day. Really. But I have it every day, the music, the rain, the language.
Why spoil it with some drunken blaggard?

more on my home-bodied-ness to come, I'm sure.

moods

2006-03-10T17:57:00.000Z

do you ever feel like the only way to get out of a mood is to surrendur yourself to it?

I find that I can often survive the world's ups and downs by simply going for the ride. Now this may not be rocket science, but I've realized that beyond just 'going with the flow' there are times where I need to indulge in particular up or down.

Perhaps I'm feeling a bit melancholy... I watch a particular movie that you would think perpetuates m melancholiness but give me a little while and I'll be on the up-swing again. Or maybe I'm feeling completely elated (probably from something very small) and I can listen to the same song over and over again until I come down a bit and stop giggling.

Some people may need to completely distract themselves from their moods... I have go hand-in-hand with mine, I think.

At times, though, it can be too much. The music touches me too much or a movie pulls too much or a conversation causes too much thinking... and I get the point and move on.

I recently banned listening to Greg Brown for a while. I love his music, down-home blues and feel-good songs. But I listened to it so much that it got me in this painful cycle, imagining things that are wonderful to imagine but way too far in advance to think so much about. So I'm taking a break from Greg Brown (whom I like so much he's probably in my Top 5) for a little while...

it will be good for me. I've got two videos on the way. I haven't had much time because my internship began this past week, but they will be up soon enough.

obscure but not too far out, right?

an italian view: explained

2006-03-04T09:39:00.000Z

here's a brief overview of the things I did in Italy, by way of my video:

1. Antonello (the owner) took us to see this guy Bernardo, who runs the horseback riding with Antonello's guests. He likes to lasso people, loves Johnny Cash, and memorizes old cowboy movies. Quite a character.

2. On the same trip (t0 the waterfall) we were driving down this road when Antonello stopped and said to this guy tending to his horse, "hey I know you" and then they went through all the possible ways they could know each other (ended up being from school). The guy invited us for some vino (second time that day) and a chat. Matilda, Jay, and I took the vino, not the chat.

3. We drove up into the Abruzzi mountains to play in the snow... it was quite a lot of snow and quite a lot of playing.

4. We went to this pensione where D. H. Lawrence once stayed... nothing really amazing... that's his bed there and they even have his shoes.

5. We had tea at the D. H. Lawrence place, not very Italian... but then we topped it off with all sorts of cheese. Mmm...

6. Exploring ruined houses that were abandoned more than fifty years ago... I found this beautiful tile too... sweet...

7. We went to see this shepard who makes cheese the traditional way, with the lamb stomach enzyme and everything. He makes pecorino and ricotta, both delicious but maybe not at 5:30 in the morning...

and that's the brief overview! It was such a crazy trip but it was really good for me to be away from the city and do some honest hardwork.

ciao bello.

home and away

2006-02-22T09:19:00.000Z

from away...

from home...

my favorite

2006-02-11T14:39:00.000Z

I have found my favorite place in Dublin: The Temple Bar Food Market in Dublin 2. I've been three times now, and each time (though perhaps less novel) I always leave feeling full... not just a full stomach either! I get these feelings in all sorts of food markets, whether in Dublin, LA, San Fran, NYC, or Bennington VT... it's just nice and comforting. And the smells can be intoxicating!

Today I bought:
2 avocados
ginger
maracuya (passion fruit)
garlic/basil hummus
a soft cheese who's name I can't remember (a strong camembert)
goat cheese
a brown baguette
banana bread
cherry tomatoes

and...
crepe with smoked salmon, creme freche, scallions and pepper.

how beautiful.

see it here.

reluctant

2006-02-04T16:35:00.000Z

some of you may know of habit of looking up apartments and cars on Cragislist.com. It's an awfully strange pasttime and probably a waste of time but it gives me a thrill/comforting feeling unlike anything else. Every day I imagine another possible place I could live at some point in the future. I think about funny things like what I would put on my walls, where I would find placemats, and what I would serve company.

I have this very strong image in my mind of who I want to be. It consists of a home, warm and inviting. a cat on a blanket. a pot of herb tea, something baking in the oven, music playing, a plate of cheese and crackers, a shelf of plants near a window... I have pictures of barbeques, cajun music, gardening, Saturday mornings, late nights with tea and my cat... it's ridiculous really. People (my parents) tell me that it will come soon enough, don't rush it, you're young enjoy not being tied down... that's all sensible and nice... but... I still want my own home.

Top 5 songs that make me think of this fantastical place (right now at least):
1. "Shelter from the Storm" Bob Dylan
2. "Chelsea Morning" Joni Mitchell
3. "Rusting Gate" Kelly Joe Phelps
4. "Telling Stories" Greg Brown
5. "Charlie" Peter Mulvey

there are several runners-up. I simply hope that when I can finally acheive this dream, it won't let me down for some other dream further ahead.

The most reluctant traveler. That's me.

belfast

2006-02-03T22:58:00.000Z

Today we took a day trip to Belfast, Northern Ireland. Only a 2.5 hour drive, but a world a way. It looks just like any other city, I suppose, but physically there were striking differences. When I was in London, things looked so different but in Belfast, we were in the UK but it felt like Ireland, just the occasional Union Jack.

We took a tour of the murals, painted around the city. Each side (republican/nationalist and unionist/loyalist) had murals painted, portraying some fairly startling things. Some of them were memorialising people who died during the height of the conflict, Bobby Sands and the Hunger Strikers. Other's were quite political, most of those we found on the Unionist side of town. In this area, as we stood on the sidewalk taking photos (looking blatantly like tourists), people drove by shouting "Get the F*** out!" and raising the fist of Ulster. In both Unionist and Nationalist areas, you could see enclaves of the opposing party, with high walls around a handful of homes; you'd think it was a military base.

We also took a tour of the Parliament (which is presently suspended) and heard from members of both Sinn Fein (nationalist) and the Democratic Unionist Party (unionist). It was incredible to see for ourselves how the two parties are so fierce. Different allegations arose, all sorts of bad mouthing I guess you could call it.

In my courses I've learned quite a bit more about the Northern Ireland conflict. Previously, all I knew was a bit about the IRA, Bloody Sunday, Hunger Strikers, and an overview of the politics. Seeing it for myself (and still in such a minor way) really made an impression on me.

There's so much to say on the subject, but to be honest, I'm exhausted from the day. It's really a horrible situation though. I wonder if in my lifetime, it will be resolved... and how? Partition? Who knows... I apologize for the vague-ness. You need to go there for yourself.

being taught

2006-01-31T17:23:00.000Z

When I began with my courses, I was pretty set on BU not teaching the way I was used to and I may have psyched myself out a bit. The truth is, my courses here are very different than back at Bennington: larger class, lecture style, less discussion... but is it useful to point out the differences without pointing out the similarities?

Class is class, right? I go in and when I come out, I know more. There were certainly times at Bennington when I didn't come out any smarter, only more confused and frustrated. Some may argue that that is what a Bennington Education is: taking steps back to make leaps forward. Every time I've been to class since I began the semester, I've been told to keep my eyes and ears open and the professors just poor the knowledge in, with only a handful of times when the professors allows for a response.

And quizzes. I've had two. 100% on the first, 96% on the second (apparently just because I didn't hear any advertisements when listening to RTE for an hour, doesn't mean that they don't get some of their revenue from them :P). I psyched myself out for the first one, studying and memorizing dates like mad for a ten question quiz. I've argued in the past that giving quizzes to determine who's paying attention and doing the reading is a silly one. Students will cram right before then forget directly afterwards (I cannot remember which year William Gladstone first became Prime Minister of Britain unfortunately). Nothing comes of it really. Yet were those quizzes that bad for me? Not really. A waste of time? Perhaps. It did no harm.

Grades. Those quizzes were both 10% of my grade for each class. That means that I can calculate where I will stand when it comes to the Final Exam and know how well I do. That seems silly to me. But it works in the grade system. Come back to the Bennington Evaluation system for a second...

We receive written evaluations for every class we complete. There are two portions on the evaluation form: For Transcript and Not for Transcript. The professor can choose to write personal comments for encouragement and improvement outside of simply writing about the student's performance. Do professors use it? Sometimes. When they do, it's usually a pat on the back. A reminder that they want to see you succeed not fail, no matter what the grade.

And when it's not? Somehow it still boils down in my head to be about the grade. When I don't receive some recognition of my attempts I revert back to the B- I received. The point of the evalution is to provide better guidance and lead to improvement. When there isn't any of that... it is the same as a grade.

My B- is a pain. I deserved it. Maybe I'm just looking for some petting... maybe... but the whole point of the Bennington Way is to encourage and direct.

Maybe I'd have been better off in a system like BU's.

Nah. Arbitrary or not. I want my paragraphs.

beginning

2006-01-30T21:39:00.000Z

I've been in Dublin for two weeks now. I suppose it seems much longer. I've really been enjoying my video blog, the whole process (except perhaps the compressing... still haven't gotten that ironed out). When my parents first looked at it, they said their favorite part was the music. You know, that's how it is in my head all the time. It's like my life has a soundtrack.

I think I'm beginning a new blog with writing and stills in an effort to clean things up. I'm always doing that somehow. I had a Livejournal, not so long ago, but I want this to be different. This isn't a diary or daily synopsis of the day's events. Just a way to bring up some issues while I'm here and reflect on some of these "Big Things" I'm running into...

education, traditions, identity, politics, metric measurements, Irish pronounciation, traveling expenses, and... why digestive biscuits are so darn good.

so we'll see where this goes.

you know, the grass always grows greener.