cleaning up.

I am coming to the end of my time in Dublin, I suppose. Less than 18 days.

We could say it''s been up and down for me... a big step forward into "becoming an adult." We could say that I've experienced the last straw in terms of living in a city. We could say that I'm better equipped to cope with a variety of situations... I'm getting to know myself in a more intimate way which allows me to better decipher the world around me.

Sure. What went wrong? I had a rough start with my internship with Comhaltas. I have been working with a ceramic artist named Michelle for the past week and a half and been feeling much better. So that was solved.

The weather was rough on my morale, but believe me... when it's sunny here... it's like a new world.

The city was rough on my feet... the ones that prefer grass to cement... the city was rough on my eyes... after a while I began to see past the cute little pub facades and just see gray... a very gray city.

The people were rough on my individual... sometimes I even would have preferred bennington people. It was a different pond of fish... sometimes it got to be a little much.

I've found lots of stuff in myself though. I've always been rather critical of myself... but I've gotten around to fixing the things I can fix... resigning myself to the things I can't... even better than resigning in some cases... I accepted them.

I have realized that I'm not very articulate... in writing and in speech. I come across lost, unpassionate, and unmotivated... sometimes even dull... I'm none of those things. I think one of the reasons I'm not very articulate is because my opinions are half-baked, unresearched, and unsupported. Also because I don't think writing essays or speaking in debates is really my cup of tea. I need to work on finding a better outlet.

this isn't much of an opinionated post, I suppose. Opinionated about myself, maybe. I doubt it's very interesting. I felt I needed to post something in writing, but I didn't have anything to say... so I talk about myself. Maybe that makes sense.

I'm very excited for my time here to be over. The "rough" spots I found above have worn on me. I do not think that being home is going to fix me up. But I do think it will allow me some space to patch up as best I can before returning to bennington to finish up there.

as usual, I look forward to change. My life has been blocked in semesters and in years as long as I can remember and I'm acheing for a time when I can't see the end of in front of me... call me crazy. I've found by talking with people about to graduate from college... or those who have recently graduated... most are very nervous because from graduation on... life isn't blocked out in those nice man-made chunks. After graduation... it's terrifying because you can't just wait for life to pass.

I can't wait have life poised in front of me like that. I can't wait until I'm forced to take it by the horns.

I can't wait for a clean slate.